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Ungrateful is to Thankfulness as…

I was surprised to find out that our weekend’s announcement was meet with a little bitterness from some folks.  Though the majority of the folks we shared our news with were proud and congratulatory I received a few responses that indirectly accused us of being nothing short of ungrateful.  Sadly one of these was from a relative of all people, feeling the need to point out the “assistance” we’ve received.

I’m nothing, but human.  I also take things too seriously and easily get defensive – so here you go.

First to clarify – yes, we received a big boon to our goals by being offered a place to live rent free for the last year while I dealt with a hard pregnancy, and we went through career changes.  By the time we moved last year into this arrangement we’d already paid off about 50% of our debt and had a plan, a plan that would have worked even if we were paying more for daycare and paying rent – it might have taken an extra year, but it was achievable.  However, every penny that has paid every bill – debt related or not – was earned directly by my husband or myself; we received no assistance to pay our bills – I’ve never even been on unemployment though I spent over 6 months of those two years without an income -, but rather we accepted ‘assistance’ to avoid additional ones.

I don’t know about you, but I see a difference there; but, as I said I get easily defensive.

Second – Since I was apparently too excited with the news and was to eager to just share the basics of our debt free journey; please let me now thank the academy in no particular order-

  • Thank you to authors like Duane Elgin, Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez – your books provided my first peak at what the good life is.
  • Thank you to every employer we’ve had… ever.  Thank you for employing us and keeping us employed.
  • Thank you God for getting me through the rough times – I truly believe I’m not given more than I can handle and surprised when that amount is more than I thought.
  • Thank you to our friends who understand why we choose to have less and say no to the things the believe are necessary.
  • Thank you to blog friends who’ve dealt with my rough times whether through passive aggressive comments or complete silence.  You guys are awesome.
  • Thank you to Ravelry friends who’ve given me wonderful support over the last couple months via the Simple Living discussion forum.
  • Thank you forever and ever to our families who support us- whether in the form of a pat on the back or a place to live has truly allowed us to meet our goals. 
  • Thank you to my husband who trusted me with the bank account and was accepting of every time I said “Not till next week, monthly or year”.
  • Thank you to our parents who gave us strong work ethics and determination and set wonderful examples.  I’m proud that they made us make our own way in life.  I’m proud that my parents told me at 15 that if I wanted money to spend I had to earn it, that at the age of 18 that if I wanted an education that I had to pay for it, that at the age of 25 that my wedding would mean more if it came out of my pocket.
  • And the biggest thank you (other than the big man up there!) currently goes to my parents and grandparents for sacrificing their time and their home to help their children and grandchild.  I can only hope that I’m able to express a fraction of my gratitude before I die and I hope that I search out as many opportunities as possible to pay your kindness forward.

If I’ve forgotten anyone this time around it is not intentional and I’m thankful for everyone who’s aided my family in any way, shape or form.  Before I go, I’ll leave you with two bits of wisdom this weekend has shown me:

“First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end.” – Aristotle



7 responses »

  1. You know some people are going to rain on your parade no matter what you say or do! :/ Keep on the path you’re on, you’re doing awesome & should be very proud of your accomplishments!! 🙂 Like you said, “Haters gonna hate”, & misery loves company. Doesn’t mean you have to keep them company! 😉

  2. There are just some people that quite honestly– aren’t happy when someone else ‘gets what they want’ …in your case to become debt free. I’m sure you’ve heard it said– “misery loves company” Well, people who live paycheck to paycheck without any accountability and relying on credit cards for things like groceries and such …JUST . AREN’T. Happy. Perhaps they are when they are “blowing ” and “going”…but sooner or later they are tired, run down, anxious and worried sick about how they’ll make ends meet.
    Even if you never came back on here to give the academy its dues …It’s obvious how grateful you are to your parents for the help and it’s obvious how you’ve learned your lesson about debt and not wanting to return to that lifestyle. Anyone who’s ever read your blog knows that! And I’ve only been reading for a couple of weeks…

    Keep doing what your doing– your arrangement with your parents is your business,no one elses. The legacy you leave your baby is a gift that some don’t see the importance in doing—their kids will be answering the phone calls of bill collectors long after they are gone. SAD but true.

    You just can’t fix the ugly green monster. Don’ try.


    • Thank you – actually one of the responses I gave to one of these people was that my announcement was to share news with those who already knew our struggles and journeys – that whether they knew me in person or through blogging, I felt I HAD done a good job of showing my gratefulnes and gratitude and didn’t think that it need to expressed in that moment of elation.

      I’m so glad we learned our lesson early – 11k in consumer debt is relatively little these days (and isn’t that kind of sad).

  3. Well said! Don’t let the negative people affect your positive spirit!

  4. Not a hater here! Just want to say well done! Regardless of what help you were given, you still made good choices to capitalize on that help, when you could have just coasted along. For that, the kudos is all yours.

  5. Hey lady. Sometimes people are jealous and don’t know how to express it. Often people are angry and need to tell you so. Some people surf happy blogs just to trample on other’s successes. I look at blogs for inspiration, so like you I get shocked at negativity. Remember your opnion cannot be wrong as it is yours and just what I said, an opinion. I think you’ve done a fab job and as I said on Rav, it’s harder to admit you need help than struggle on sometimes! Take care and stay strong and proud! Zxxx

    • Thanks my dear – I just wish I could say to folks “A congratulations with a caveat is rather empty” Oh well, I can make some people happy every now and then or I can try and make certain people happy never.


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