Wow my life has changed in just 12 weeks… I can’t believe how much he’s changed in 12 weeks.
I’m still recovering in many ways from Henry’s Birthday, luckily the day had a happy ending, but in many ways I’m still taking in everything that happened that day and it’s longer effects on my life.
Mainly its taught me not to dwell too much on slim possibilities of what they day could have been.
I wish I had gone into labor naturally, but in reality by 41 weeks I could barely walk I was in so much constant pain… it was time for him to come out.
I wish I could have last longer once the contractions started, but in reality my I had an hour and a half of perfectly manageable contractions and then they went from 0 to 60 within minutes, they were irregular, sometimes over lapping, body wracking, nausea inducing, and were so intense the peaks flattened out on the monitor because the machine couldn’t track them and I wasn’t even half way dilated yet.
I wish the terms “failure to progress” and “fetal intolerance to labor” had never had to be used in my labor, but in reality I’m glad I had doctors and nurses who knew what they were doing. (P.S. “Fetal Intolerance to Labor” is the new term to replace “Fetal Distress” i.e. every time I turned on my right side Henry’s heartbeat either dropped or became irregular).
I wish that I had given birth the natural way, but in reality after over 12 hours of labor, 6 hours of no progress, a baby who was face up and not turning and worries about the baby in general we made the best decision.
I wish I hadn’t contracted a fever, had dramatic blood pressure problems and lost enough blood to become very anemic during my c-section, but in reality I was eternally grateful for modern medicine.
I wish I hadn’t been so weak after surgery that I couldn’t hold my son for almost 9 hours post op, but after nine months of sickness, stress and depression Iwas grateful we both made it to that point, whenever it happened.
But, in reality 9 hours after my operation I was holding baby who was healthy, a 9.9 on the Apgar and filled me with such love I couldn’t imagine and if I had to do it all over again exactly the same I would if I could get the same results.
A part of me does wish that I had one of those blissful labors, but in the end I knew that the labor wasn’t about me, it was about making the right decisions give my son the best chance he had on entering the world and I did just that.
Okay, I lied about how I would go through everything again. There is one part I would change, a part I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell.
I wish that there hadn’t been some odd and discernible to the naked eye on one of my ovaries.
I wish I hadn’t been listening to the doctors and residents talking about it.
I wish the test result hadn’t come back positive.
I wish that only twenty minutes after discovering the joy of bring a life into the world I hadn’t learned that I had endometriosis.
I wish women with endometriosis had an average chance of becoming pregnant that was higher than 40%.
But in reality, as I keep telling myself, I will have more children if and when I am supposed to. I beat it once without even knowing that I was fighting it. If it’s meant to be I’ll do it again.
But for now I’m thankful for what I do have.